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The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter
The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter
is devoted to sharing information and enhancing excellence in ongoing faith and holistic formation for maturing adults from midlife through end of life.
Bill Prather, Founder and Director
of Partners In Pastoral Care
seeks to provide members with an ongoing flow of practical information that leaders/models can use directly with adults of all ages. Training is also offered through the educational arm of Partners in Pastoral Care.
All opinions expressed herein are those of the author. Permission is granted to reproduce this issue in whole or in part as long as its source is identified.
13300-56 South Cleveland Avenue
Suite 238
Fort Myers, FL 33907
239.482.3212
239 482 3212 fax Shepardscare@aol.com
www.partnersinpastoralcare.org
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Carl Jung, 1875 -1961
In This Issue:
1. Useful Web Sites
2. Practicing for a Change
3. Plan for the future before it arrives
4. Change as a Constant Prayer
5. Beatitudes of the Aging
6. The Spiritual Life of an 80 Year Old
1. Health organization lookup: Directory of organizations dealing with Alzheimer’s disease, gastroesophageal reflux disease, melanoma and other medical conditions - sponsored by the federal Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotions. www.healthfind.gov/organizations
Help for caregivers: Information on hame safety, financial aid and other topics important to people caring for elderly parents or other loved ones. www.familycaregiving101.org or www.strengthforcaring.com .
Fall fitness: Customize workouts with exercises for balance, arms, legs, core, etc., from the American Council on Exercise. Easy-to-follow instructions include photographs. www.acefitness.org/getfit , and click on “Exercise Library.”
By the way, speaking of exercise, I just read ready a three year study of 3,970 women, published the Arthritis Research & Therapy, by Kristiann Heesch, DrPH at the University of Queensland, Australia.
The study clearly showed that moderate exercise keeps joints flexible and muscles strong. Most interesting to me is that women in their 70s who exercised at least 75 minutes per week through walking and other moderate to vigorous activity reported less joint pain and stiffness over the next three years than women who were sedentary.
2. This past week the trees in my neck of the woods of Western North Carolina reached the peak of turning color. I stood at the cedar rail of our deck, sipping hot tea with tears of awe and amazement of our Creator’s mindfulness of this beautiful event. Upon leaving, this past Monday, I noticed that the brilliancy of trees now were letting go and falling to the ground. I took a walk around our cabin, like in boyhood, picking up some of those leaves with the intent to share them with my granddaughters when I arrived back in Florida. As I did so, I was reminded once again that change comes whether we like it or not. Richard Kuepper, a motivational consultant, talked a lot about change, in a seminar I once attended, encouraging us not to simply welcome change, but to seek it out.
Richard is president of L.E.A.D. USA, LLC, a Connecticut-based organization ( www.lead-usa.com ) that offers unique experiences, such as group sailing rips and treasure hunts. To build success skills. His big message is: Exercising the “muscles” that take you out of your comfort zone helps you cope with unexpected changes.
I noticed two or three years ago that I had some very obvious “comfort zones” which I did not want to leave. This fact was causing me to be less effective in pastoral care as well as relationships. It was much easier for me to maintain the routine lifestyle to which I had become accustomed over the past few years. My father would have called it by name: Laziness! I had given into faulty thinking that it was time to drive in the slow lane and complain about how fast and dangerously everyone else was driving in the middle and outside lanes. Then I leaned that God wants me to keep my physical, mental, social and spiritual muscles from atrophy and stay strong, wholly.
Following are some areas that Midlife and Longlife folks need some encouragement and instructive Rx help in. Rich gives some ideas like for:
Shyness: Put five coins in your pocket or change purse when you start your day. Resolve to strike up a conversation with five new people – a fellow walker or table mate, the person behind you in line for coffee, etc. Every time you do this, move one coin to the other pocket or another place in your purse. Even better; hand the coin to the person you just met and say, “Just a token to say, I’ve enjoyed meeting you.”
Listen to your internal dialogue. View thought statements of “I can’t do that” as a call to action not a reason to freeze. In these situations, making the choice to embrace the change puts you in control of the process, rather than merely reacting to what happens. My mother is a good example of this. Once a wonderful Bible teacher, in her 30s, 40s and 50s has not done so in the last three decades. She now lives in an assisted living facility with others who she has developed a wonderful sense of community. She mentioned her love for the Bible and on first being asked to begin a study; her reaction was, “It has been so long that since I taught, I can’t do it.” The encouragement, loving acceptance of those folks in her community and her love of the Bible has her now studying and preparing daily for a weekly Bible study with those who need the spiritual nourishment that a gathering of this nature brings.
Mind your attitude. Participants in some of Richards seminars are taught to break a one-inch board with their bare hands-a metaphor for breaking through limits. One woman, a successful executive, burst into tears after breaking her boars. All her life, her mother and grandmother had told her she was fragile. Her success with the board proved that she was much stronger than she had ever been allowed to believe.
As a leader/pastor of Midlifers/Longlifers, what can you do to exercise your change muscles? What attitudes and self-talk are holding you back?
3. I witness, too often, caregivers neglecting their own needs as they focus energy on providing care to ill family members. Before they know it, caregivers find themselves in crisis situations with little knowledge of care options for their loved ones or how to go about arranging they type of help. This is where you as a leader/pastor can be a tremendous added blessing to these dear people.
Examples include caregivers who need medical treatment or surgery that they delay because they do not know whom to call to care for their loved ones. Caregivers often believe illness and accidents will not happen to them because “they do not have time to be sick.” Haven’t you heard them from one or more of your congregants?
In reality, the burdens of caring for a chronically ill family member can jeopardize the caregiver’s mental and/or physical health, leading to illness to such an extent that the caregiver is temporarily unable to fulfill his duties. This is the reason for having a system whereby you have, at the very least, a weekly update, (if not every three day). In most cases the onset of disability is sudden.
Developing an emergency plan is an essential step for caregivers. The ideal time to plan and research options is long before the help is actually needed. My suggestion is for you, the leader/pastor to be intimately involved, at the first sign of need in the development of plans. One reason for this newsletter is to provide you with resources and research tools in helping your ministry to your charges.
For a caregiver It is important to heed the advise of other caregivers who have experience in such situations. Many times, caregivers tell others in support groups to accept the reality that emergencies and illness can happen to anyone. Such a message from a fellow caregiver is more powerful than any words of advice from a professional. It is recommended that you provide the facilities, opportunities, and if necessary the leadership of such a support group.
These caregivers in the group tell how they avoided surgery or treatment recommended by their physicians only to find themselves later admitted to the hospital through the emergency room. In situations like this, it becomes very difficult to arrange for care for the family member left behind at home while the caregiver is lying in a hospital bed, or worse being taken into the operating room for emergency surgery.
You will have to be proactive, you will have to be creative and encouraging in order for the caregivers to take time out of their very busy schedules to develop an emergency plan.
Steps include completing a File for Life or a basic sheet outlining medical information for the caregiver and the loved one; preparing or updating the living wills and Do Not Resuscitate documents as appropriate for the caregiver and the loved one; preparing written care instructions outlining the needs of person who depends on the caregiver for care including contact information for individuals or long term care providers who can provide care in an emergency; and securing an identification bracelet for the loved one if he/she has memory impairment.
Medical bracelets are also helpful for other chronic illnesses such as diabetes or epilepsy.
If you desire assistance in developing an emergency plan or obtaining further information, we here at Partners In Pastoral Care would be pleased to be contacted.
4. The following prayer was adapted from Edward Hays Prayers for a Domestic Church.
Lord and Source of all Gifts.
we rejoice in Your holy generosity
in giving us to one another on life’s journey.
We thank You today
for the gifts of change,
that gift of newness
that opens our hearts
to gratitude, to going deeper, to trusting Your ways on this journey.
We bless You and thank You
for all that is stable and unchanging,
for the ancient and enduring
which give meaning as we change.
We thank You, O end of All Longing,
for the capacity for change in our lives.
for without change,
there can be no real growth
and no true living.
We are grateful in this prayer, for those persons
who, through their gifts of adventure and passion,
have taught us not to fear change but to embrace it and trust.
We are thankful for Your Son, Your Sacred Word,
who spoke to us of new wine for new wine skins
and who calls us daily
to bring about a new reign of God
and a renewed Covenant with Him and one another.
May our hearts be ever-changing,
ever in growth,
as we journey to You,
you who are forever fresh and new
yet forever the same.
Blessed are You, Lord our God,
5. A dear colleague, Sr. Martinette Rivers OLS, recently sent me the following Beatitude of the Aging that she authored. What a delight for me to be able to pass them on to you.
· Blessed are those living old age with faith and dignity who can smile at their graying hair, for they will receive the joy of the soul.
· Blessed are they, who take time for prayer and attain wisdom of heart, they shall see God.
· Blessed are those who cherish their happy aging moments, for they will make a fine cushion of old age and shall be seated with grace.
· Blessed are those filled with spirit and leave footprints on the hearts of others, they will experience the joy of the Lord.
· Blessed are they who feel their burden of age lighter because they feel loved, respected, and wanted by others, they shall have a long life.
· Blessed are they who don’t spend their aging moments in tears and sorrow, they will stay young at heart and smile when they see God.
· Blessed are they who see their aging as a sign of God’s blessing, they shall remain full of spirit and their reward will be great.
· Blessed are those whose hearts beat for others, they are the joy of the soul and shall be called the treasured age.
· Blessed are they, who have embraced everything about aging, they will merit the distinction of gray hair.
· Blessed are the ‘aging hearts’ that wait patiently for their lives to be increased, theirs is the kingdom of God.
6. There is no way that the spiritual life of a 25-year-old can match the spiritual life of an 80-year-old. I’m convinced of it. As we mature our spiritual pace quickens! It’s not that the spiritual life of an 80-year-old is any better than the spiritual life of a 25-year-old, it’s just that it’s different. Each stage and phase of life presents its own life lessons, its own spiritual ‘work.’ We are called to address the spiritual work of the 80s no less strenuously, no less passionately than the spiritual work of the 20s, or any other decade. This important point is the theme of a 2008 fall conference which I’ll be presenting at the Natahalia Resort in beautiful western North Carolina the second week in October. The course, The Ten Spiritual Developmental Tasks of the Renewal Years: Strengthening spirituality beyond midlife outlines the special spiritual developmental work unique to the ‘renewal years (ages 65 and beyond). Come find out for yourself how these spiritual tasks spell the difference between living later life with luster or lifelessness. Reservations for a limited number of people will begin April 1, 2008. You may call or write our office for pre promotion and registration information.
This periodic e-newsletter is sent free of charge to pastors, leaders and interested individuals. If you have friends that would like to receive this newsletter, please have them e-mail Shepardscare@aol.com and we will add them to our list. If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter, please e-mail Shepardscare@aol.com and put the word "unsubscribe" in the subject line.
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