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The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter
is devoted to sharing information and enhancing excellence in ongoing faith and holistic formation for maturing adults from midlife through end of life.
Bill Prather, Founder and Director
of Partners In Pastoral Care
seeks to provide members with an ongoing flow of practical information that leaders/models can use directly with adults of all ages. Training is also offered through the educational arm of Partners in Pastoral Care.
All opinions expressed herein are those of the author. Permission is granted to reproduce this issue in whole or in part as long as its source is identified.
13300-56 South Cleveland Avenue Suite 238 Fort Myers, FL 33907 239.466.8664 239 482 3212 fax Shepardscare@aol.com www.partnersinpastoralcare.org
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
John Quincy Adams (1767 – 1848)
In This Issue:
1. “Old” and what it means
2. Pastoral Care Week - October 21-27, 2007
3. What A Find!
4. Aging Gracefully
5. Every Leader/Pastor Would Benefit from Making this Guide Available
6. A Delightful Read for those of the Boomer Generation
1. The September issue had an exercise of which eighteen we rereturned to me for review. Powerful insights!May I say that most ofthe answers revolved around physical status.One repeated statement I think says it well, that being, “It’s all right to grow old as long as I have my health.”
You, see, culturally and socially, to lose one’s health is to lose everything. It means not being able to drive a care, walk to the store, or read the newspaper.Reflecting on the old Jewish birthday blessing, “May you live to be 120,” one respondent wrote: “THE REALLY SAD PART IS THAT WE ALL SAY THAT WE WANT TO LIVE TO REALLY BE OLD BUT I REALLY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN LIVE TOO LONG AND JUST END UP MARKING TIME WAITING TO MEET YOUR MAKER. I USED TO THINK THAT IS WAS A REAL TRAGIDY TO DIE YOUNG now I DON'T THINK SO. I DON'T WANT TO HASTEN IT BUT I DON'T FEAR IT EITHER. NO ONE HAS EVER MADE IT OUT OF THIS WORLD ALIVE OR FOUND A WAY TO TAKE IT WITH THEM AND I WILL NOT EITHER.”
To lose one’s health means that a person is on the brink ofencountering the hated “D-word” –dependence- and if there isanything that is important to a person, particularly to those living inthe United States, it is the value of one’s independence.To lose one’s health and to become dependent is to lose one’s value,importance, status.To be old, to be weaker, less capable, is to be sidelined by society and placed on a shelf and even ignored.I will never forget a person in their 70s , in general conversation, saying, “ The very time I finally have some of the answers to life, no one wants to listen.”
Scriptures tell a different story.They do not define the worth of a human being in terms of a person’s ability to produce, to create or to be independent.The Scriptures define one’s value in life interms of relationship with God, a relationship that is first andforemost God-centered and God-directed, a relationship that is at its heart, dependent:“We love because God first loved us” 1 John;“Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will giveyou rest” Matt 11:28.One might say that the only action that God cannot forgive or deal with is arrogance . . . an “I can do it myself” stance that has no room for God or anyone else for that matter. Jesus did not say, “Blessed are the independent” but “Blessed arethe poor in spirit.”Those who know their need for God, “for theirs isthe kingdom of Heaven” Jesus didn’t say “Blessed are the strong, the capable, the one who is in charge” but rather, “Blessed are the meek.”Those who have their strength under God’s control, for “theywill inherit the earth.”There is immensely more that can be said about this idea of lose of independence and how utterly wrongin our tendency to view it, but that isfor you to research, develop and bring light in ministry to your congregation.
Before leaving the subject though, think for a moment about an unpleasant aspect of what age teaches us.“NO.”Age confronts us with a “no” in life that we cannot ignore or deny.I’m noticingthat “no” the other day when I decided to take the stairs of the hospital instead of the elevator.After the third flight my legs said, “no.”So, I skirted around the “no” and took the elevator the remaining two floors.Someday I will reach the age when I may no longer be able to take one flight, or even walk for that matter.But, Iam more than my ability to even walk at all. I am more than myability to remember.I am more than my ability to be productive.Iam a person.I am God’s and God is the only thing in or out of this world that is going to last forever.
Age, my friend, teaches me that truth-of-life even if I don’t want tohear it. I can close my ears to the message; it is called denial.I canbecome a grumpy old man and rail at my limitations.I can seek toignore the fact that “I can’t” by not acting my age and seeking to act younger.However, I can never escape the fact that I am not young, that I am certainly not God and never have been in controlof my life.
In summarization, Age tells me that it is okay to fail!I can’t walk upthe stairs but have to take an elevator – something that wasperhaps more difficult for me to accept when at age 55.
Age tells me that it is okay not to be in charge! One of the mostpowerful lessons to learn is that of allowing God to be God andallow someone else to, using the words of Morrie Schwartz in thebook, Tuesdays with Morrie, “wipe my ass.”
Age tells me to be grateful for life.Science fiction aside, we are mortal. The only alternative to aging is death, and while we can increase our longevity through better health care, still the only way to live forever is to leave the mortal life, to die, to graduate (I likethe phrase), to eternal life.For some, the greatest impediment tograceful aging is graceless denial of one’s mortality.
2. Pastoral Care Week gives opportunities for organizations and institutions of all kinds and types to recognize the spiritual caregivers in their midst and the ministry which the caregivers provide.
A few quotes on Faith:
Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark -- Rabindranath Tagore
Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to seewhat you believe.--St. Augustine
Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, justtake the first step.-- Martin Luther King Jr.
You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.
--Samuel Butler
He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more, He who loses faith, loses all. --Eleanor Roosevelt
I do not pray for success. I ask for faithfulness. --Mother Teresa
Faith is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravanof thinking --Kahlil Gibran
"Faith is believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe."
-Voltaire
I believe,
I believe in the sun
even when it is not shining.
I believe in love
even when I cannot feel it.
I believe in God
even when God is silent.-anonymous
When you come to the edge of all the light you have known, and are aboutto step out into darkness, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen;There will be something to stand on, or you will be taught to fly.
-Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.-Henry David Thoreau
Reason is our soul's left hand, Faith her right. ~John Donne
Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath. In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. ~BlaisePascal
Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death. ~Author Unknown
Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hathwings. ~Victor Hugo
Scriptural Quotes on Faith:
1 Samuel 1: 9-2:11
The Story of Hannah.
Exodus 3: 1-7
The mission of Moses. “I am well aware of their sufferings.I mean todeliver them…”
Jeremiah:22
“Come back disloyal sons, I want to heal your disloyalty”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
“A blessing on the one who puts his trust in Yahweh…He is like a tree by the waterside.”
Jeremiah 31
“I will build you once more…You will go out dancing gaily”
“I will change your mourning into gladness”
“I will be their God and they shall be my people”
Deuteronomy 7:9
Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God,keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who lovehim and keep his commands.
Ps 36:5
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies
Proverbs 3:3
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart
Luke 17:6
He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say tothis mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
2 Corinthians 5:7
We live by faith, not by sight
Hebrews 11:1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we donot see.
A few Pastoral Care Week Scriptural Resources:
1 Samuel 1: 9-2:11
The Story of Hannah.
Exodus 3: 1-7
The mission of Moses. “I am well aware of their sufferings.I mean todeliver them…”
Jeremiah:22
“Come back disloyal sons, I want to heal your disloyalty”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
“A blessing on the one who puts his trust in Yahweh…He is like a tree bythe waterside.”
Jeremiah 31
“I will build you once more…You will go out dancing gaily”
“I will change your mourning into gladness”
“I will be their God and they shall be my people”
Mt. 8:5-13,Lk 7:1-10
The Faith of the Centurion and the healing of his servant.
Mt. 9:1-8,Mk 2: 1-12,Lk 5: 17-26
Cure of the Paralytic
Mt. 9: 18-26,Mk 5: 21-43
Cure of the woman with the hemorrhage.Official’s daughter raised to life.
Mt. 9:27-30
Cure of two blind men.
Mt. 15: 21-28,Mk 7: 24-30
Daughter of Canaanite woman healed.
Mt. 21:21
“If you have faith, do not doubt”
Mt. 8:1-3,Mk 1:40-45,Lk 5:12-17
Cure of leper
Mk.10:46-52,Mt 20: 29-34,Lk. 18:35-43
Cure of the blind man
Lk.7:36-50
The woman who was forgiven much.
Lk. 11:9-13
Effective prayer
Lk. 12: 22-32
Trust in Providence
Lk.17:5-6
Power of faith
Lk. 17: 11-19
The ten lepers
Jn. 14:12
Whoever believes will perform greater works
Acts 3:1-16
Cure of lame man.
Acts 14: 8-10
Healing of a cripple
Acts 4: 18-21
Abraham, Sarah – faith in God’s promises
Ephesians 2: 7-10
“by grace you have been saved, through faith”
3. Last Sunday the worship leader of our congregation led us in singing “How Great Thou Art.” I noticed, especially the Midlife/Longlife congregants (which I am constantly observing) countenance. Broadiles, tears, enthusiastic body language, along with a sense of awe.Then on Monday, excitement; is a good adjective to describe my feelings as I begin to explore my delivery of“Then Sings My Soul” books.They had been recommended to me by a colleague. These vintage-looking, ragged-edge paged books quickly reacquainted me with beloved old hymns that I hadn’t heard in years. The books have 150 old hymnsand the stories that brought them into being. This inspirational treasure features devotional-style accounts and history, many reflecting the hymn’s impact on ordinary people. They include complete music andlyrics.
Each volume cost me about $20 but I have looked them up on Amazon.com and found there are paperback editions, new or close to new for as little as $3 each.At those kinds of prices you can afford to purchase and give as door prizes or special event gifts.Your group will love them, I guarantee!
4. Forget the notion that retired adults are relaxing all day in rocking chairs.The healthiest among them are out early in the morning,walking a familiar route with their friends, or working out on a 30-minute exercise circuit.
They are engaging in social activity on a regular basis with friends and family.Along the way, they are taking computer classes ordeveloping new hobbies to enhance their quality of life.
Regardless of a person’s age, lifestyle choices affect the physical, mental and spiritual health.If only churches and synagogues would recognize the fact, as well as, provide more opportunities for olderadults, their constituencies would find wholeness.
Research studies continue to show that physical exercise not only keeps our bodies well but also helps our minds.In maintaining a health mind and body as we age, our spiritual motivation is also inspired.A resent study shows that older physically and mentally active adults attend worship and church activities 89% more often than those who have no type of physical exercise.
As pastors/leaders of Midlife/Longlife adults, find activities and hobbies that peak the attention of your older adults.Start a book club. Baking club.Garden club.Sponsor an walk and pray group.
5. If you have not yet been asked for some ideas on how to cope from friend or family of a dementia or Alzheimer patient, you will be,sooner than later.When you are, I suggest you hand them, “The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss in Later Life.”
This practical and comprehensive guide covers in detail Alzheimer’s and dementia care for the family, and is packed with advice.It’s been around for 25 years but this newest edition includes family resources and updated medical, legal, financial, and residentialcare information. It’s also available in large print and can be obtained at www.press.jhu.edu.
As always, my recommendation is to review any resource you hand out, first.By doing so, it will save embarrassments and addcredibility to your leadership and ministry.
6. This one hundred nine page book can be easily read in one sitting. I know, I did it.Written by a “down to earth”, but wise Boomer, Mary Christofano is as authentic as they come. I don’t say that because I consider her a friend, but by the attitudes she models through her everyday journey.
“Fifty Isn’t Fatal Anymore,” should be read by every Midlifer in American.It’s astraight forward, no holds barred description of the Boomer generation. Yet, there is no wallowing in the negativecharacteristics but provides some of the most practical advise, Ihave read in a long time.
Midlifers are not known for their characteristics of reading agreatdeal, but the concise, powerful thoughts in this book will surely cause it to be passed around the neighbor hood and social events.
This is anotherbook that will provide a powerful link to the Midlife generation and let them know their pastor/leader is aware of and desires greatly to add meaning to their lives.
The book can be purchased through www.iuniverse.com or www.amazon.com.
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