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The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter - September 2007
is devoted to sharing information and enhancing excellence in ongoing faith and holistic formation for maturing adults from midlife through end of life.
The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter is devoted to sharing information and enhancing excellence in ongoing faith and holistic formation for maturing adults from midlife through end of life.
Bill Prather, Founder and Director
of Partners In Pastoral Care
seeks to provide members with an ongoing flow of practical information that leaders/models can use directly with adults of all ages. Training is also offered through the educational arm of Partners in Pastoral Care.
All opinions expressed herein are those of the author. Permission is granted to reproduce this issue in whole or in part as long as its source is identified.
13300-56 South Cleveland Avenue Suite 238 Fort Myers, FL 33907 239.466.8664 239 482 3212 fax Shepardscare@aol.com www.partnersinpastoralcare.org
Do not the most moving moments of
our lives find us all without words?
Marcel Mareau, 1923
In This Issue:
Programming vs Process: A “Hot Button Issue”
Book Review: The Leader’s Legacy
Grandparents Should Be Honored
1. In the history of this publication, I have not had a response as large as received concerning this topic of programming verses process. In characterizing the remarks, questions and suggestions of the respondents, it was no surprise that most leaders are, for the most part, in agreement that “process” is vitally important in the ministry to our constituents.
The second discovery was that over 75% of the respondents asked for more meaning of the statement: ministry is what is happening on the inside. A reader from Oregon commented that: “I become discouraged because there is little ‘overt’ response from the folks in our group. I know that I can’t see their hearts but I would think that they would demonstrate more of a positive response if ministry were effecting them. Might this mean that I am deficient in bringing ministry to them?”
Friends, I know exactly what you are experiencing. For years I struggled with the same issue. I was raised and trained as a professional to “get results.” One time, I was encouraged by a superior in ministry, by the remark, “I believe we’ll see some results from your ministry in that church.” Some time later the encouragement turned to discouragement and despondency when my superior did not see what he had expected to see as results.
It was when I began to ask the question of myself as to what is the purpose for this or that ministry within a congregation, that I learned something that brought freedom to any ministry God had gifted me.
It is not how many climb on the bus this year to go hear a gospel concert, attend a conference or retreat, the number of times a month the group meet, how many are ministering in the nursing homes, or are counted as ushers, greeter or Sunday school teachers. What it is all about is the process of spiritual development, spiritual formation and spiritual care as midlifers/longlifers confront the challenges of change in the process of aging. The core of ministry to these midlife, senior and elder generations is the supporting and guiding of spiritual perspectives.
Let me add here something that I think is of utmost importance. Express this through writing a mission statement for the ministry to these generations. A simple, easy to use method of developing a mission statement can be obtained by writingdocdeliver@haworthpress.com. It will serve as a measuring devise for evaluating your present ministry and will guide all future efforts no matter who God chooses to take the helm. (see the book review that follows)
Go through this exercise with me. Just for a few minutes. Draw a line vertical line in the middle of paper. At the top of the left side, write GOALS TO ACCOMPLISH. Number them down the side. Example:
1. Provide respite for caregivers.
2. Organize phone partners to help drive away loneliness for a few minutes during a day or week.
3. Provide opportunity to sing old songs that are seldom sang on Sunday mornings.
4. Testimony of God’s blessing during a lifetime, featured program.
At the top of the right side, write DIFFERENCE IT MIGHT MAKE. Corresponding with each goal, write your thoughts as to what difference the goal will make in the lives of the people in your group.
What is the reason for us to offer an intentional, focused midlife/longlife ministry? Let me answer by saying, I have worked on the national, state and local scene for many years and have found that the “senior centers” are wonderful and useful facilities. They provide all kinds of opportunities, i.e. out-of-town and local points of interest in trips, meals, & recreation of all types. Most of all they are providers of a place to meet and greet, a place of fellowship possibly better than most church facilities, with exercise rooms, game tables, pool tables, the computers, and the large group activities that foster interaction and fellowship.
spiritual lives and perspectives, or providing the tools, the experiences, and expertise to aid them in that quest.
Contrary to misunderstanding by a few of our subscribers, last month, I do believe with everything in me that vibrant, intentional programming is essential in our ministry to this generation. I also, believe that the quality of our promotional material as well as program content needs to be “top drawer.” Having said that, our focus needs to be on ministry.
Let me illustrate with the following exercise. For many, it is not a pleasurable experience to hear someone name us as “old.” If not verbally, maybe by demonstration or labeling. We may become angry, belligerent, uncomfortable, frustrated, incensed, despondent, depressed or a myriad of other negative emotions. Seldom do we feel, joyful, encouraged, light-hearted, accepting, or engender other positive feelings. The program I would use is not one of preaching or teaching that we are to forgive society in general or those fellow younger believers for their attitudes and or faulty thinking acts about “oldness,” or ageism. Although, forgiveness does bring great freedom to the soul. Rather, I might use the program of exploring and discussing what growing “old” means to me, as a person, and to the group, as a whole. It is always best to practice such exercises with yourself, to receive your own spiritual insight and convictions pervious to presentation.
Answer the questions as quickly as possible without stopping to give thought about your answer. Your impulsive answer will most likely indicate more of what you truly think.
What does old mean to you?
When I think about growing old………..
Growing old means getting…………….
Growing old makes me feel…………….
The older I become, the…………………
Older people never………………………
When I grow old I will lose……………….
Seeing an old person makes me………
A person can be considered old when……..
When I am old I……………………………
As I look back on the preceding statements, I feel aging is…….
Name two things that you fear about growing older.
a.
b.
Name two things that you look forward to in growing older.
a.
b.
Until the next newsletter you might think about the old Jewish birthday blessing, “May you live to be 120.” Next issue I will discuss the ministry of this exercise and how our ministry to the Midlife/Longlife generations might be affected by what we learn about our aging selves.
2. Over the past decade, I am unable to tell you how many books I have read concerning the characteristics of an effective leader or leadership strategies. Most of them have helped me in clarifying and successfully occupying my position. However, rarely discussed was how to effectively leave a leadership position when the assignment was finished. I was not so aware of the importance ofthis issue until recently, when contacted to consult with a group of Seniors and Elders, along with administration and board of elders, after the death of their beloved Senior Adult leader of fifteen years.
In short, the deepest issue lay with the Longlife group’s loss. The administration, was ready to replace the former leader but the group would have nothing to do with any of the three choices. Theleadership had, in my observation, covered all the bases in the candidacy process, including extensive interviews at fellowship gatherings with many of active members of the group.
Each time the interviews with this group concluded with the emphatic ultimatum: “We don’t want any other leader, we want Pastor Ed.” “No one will ever be like Pastor Ed.” You and I both know that Pastor Ed will never be duplicated!
For one moment, stop here and think of the pain that those people in that group were going through with another loss. A loss, that, in fact, affected their spiritual, emotional, and maybe, their physical well being. How does loss affect you?
In The leader’s Legacy, Dave McKenna offers a unique angle on leadership by showing leaders how to make a graceful exit.
Like most organizations, churches and synagogues don’t consider succession until it is too late. McKenna argues that in order to effectively build an organization, Christian leaders should think not only about how to leave their position, but how to develop leaders to succeed them once their work is complete.
His “succession principle” asserts that “a leader builds upon the past, gives momentum to the present, and leaves the promise ofgreater things to come.”
I think McKenna’s use of the ministry of John the Baptist to demonstrate a few of his ideas may be a bit weak but on the whole this 167 page book is an easy read and I appreciated his stories of50 years of leadership experience as a pastor, educator, and higher education executive.
His 12 Rules of Succession are helpful in understanding our leadership role in the grand scheme of the organization, readingthe life cycle of the organization, effectively timing our own exit, and managing our leaving in a way that leaves a legacy that willultimately further the moral and spiritual transformation of an organization.
In this book we are reminded that Christian leadership is measured by our contribution to the mission both now and in the future. Ultimately, your and my ministry is marked by not just how we enterand lead, but how we ultimately leave and prepare the way forthose who come after. That is the leader’s legacy.
3. Grandparents Strengthen Families is this year’s theme for National Grandparents Day, observed on the first Sunday after Labor Day, September 9th. It’s purpose is to honor grandparents, to give grandparents an opportunity to express and show their love for their children's kids, and to help children become aware of the strength, guidance, and information that our Midlife/Longlife population can offer.
We off some family recommendations for making this year’s National Grandparents Day event special:
Board games that are easily played by young and old add enjoyment to family gatherings and enhance "intergenerational interaction."
Create an opportunity for story-telling, allowing grandparents to relate stories of their past, enlightening children about "the good ol' days."
Help children and/or grandchildren to identify and date all photos in old family albums. Many happy memories can be derived, and the activity provides a time to discover one's roots and learn patience, understanding and appreciation for the elderly. A grandparents day celebration in any form is a perfect time to enhance communication between the generations. By the way we have found a marvelous way of discovering and recording a families or grandparent’s roots.www.collectedroots.comThese folks are the best we have ever found at doing this process and you will be extremely pleased with the end product.
Provide an opportunity for a grandparent to pass down a special skill, hobby, or interest. Whether it is preparing a beloved family recipe, quilting, genealogy, painting, or tips for making the garden's crops so plentiful, should be shared with family members. It could also be special family traditions, music, songs, celebrations, or even beliefs. Grandparents are such a wealth of information rich in history, but sometimes the young don't ask enough questions. Remember, the knowledge helps to preserve the heritage that makes the family so very special.
Involve grandparents in daily activities and events as much as practical and of interest. Grandparents offer very special relationships with their grandchildren and a close relationship can forge a very special bond that spans the age differences and times.
Remember those who are in nursing homes and are unable to be with their families. Grandparents typically bestow a loving spirit of love and respect, and gratitude should be extended beginning with our very youngest generations.
Remember others' grandparents in nursing homes who are unable to be with their families or, sadly enough, have no families. Even simple acknowledgements such as a card or a phone call can brighten the day of a senior.
A few suggestions as to what your organization, school, community group, church/synagogue, or child care providers do to help celebrate grandparents or to brighten the day of seniors any time throughout the year.
Arrange for a visit with a nursing home and provide for some quality time. Depending on the season or age of children, activities can include having lunch with seniors, making special appreciation cards and hand-delivering them, providing a mini-performance or talent show for their entertainment, coming in dance costume and let residents see the youngsters in their finery, involve them through a scouting project, bring some games and play with seniors (many centers have lively games of Bingo, for example), or just come and visit.
Child care providers can ask parents to bring family photos that children can share with one another.
Ask families to provide one piece of family history or nostalgia, and the child can share it with the group. Perhaps a grandparent immigrated to this country from elsewhere, or had seven children, or fought in a War...the key is to share and to keep the history alive in the minds of young and old alike.
Schools and care providers can celebrate grandparents and their contributions to our lives by inviting grandparents to have lunch with their grandchild. If possible, take a photo of grandparent and grandchild (parents too) and then have the child create a special frame and present it to the grandparent. Note: My mother-in-law, aged 93, still takes the invitation, once a week during the school year, to assist children in the first grade with reading. She lives in upper Michigan and is irritated when she can not get to the school due to a snow storm.
Surprise grandparents by having a "living wall" or a special skit or perhaps a painting showing generations of family. Be creative and have fun!
Adopt a grandparent! The attention given and the love received back is what helps strengthen the bond between the generations even more. No grandparents should be lonely and without attention on this day, if it can be helped, and a simple demonstration of support and appreciation can add a smile that crosses the years!
Grandparents Share your photos stories & More at Eons.com 50+ www.Eons.com
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