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The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter
The Periodic Midlife/Longlife Update E-newsletter
is devoted to sharing information and enhancing excellence in ongoing faith and holistic formation for maturing adults from midlife through end of life.
Bill Prather, Founder and Director
of Partners In Pastoral Care
seeks to provide members with an ongoing flow of practical information that leaders/models can use directly with adults of all ages. Training is also offered through the educational arm of Partners in Pastoral Care.
All opinions expressed herein are those of the author. Permission is granted to reproduce this issue in whole or in part as long as its source is identified.
13300-56 South Cleveland Avenue
Suite 238
Fort Myers, FL 33907
239.482.3212
239 482 3212 fax Shepardscare@aol.com
www.partnersinpastoralcare.org
Two ways to age:
You can grow old and be bitter or you can grow old and get better. The difference is in the person who learns to be thankful.
In This Issue:
1. Especially for Midlifers: Can We Expect Instant Sight or Light? 2. What’s all the fuss of “Passing the Baton?” 3. Self-defense 4. A Word for Caregivers 5. An Exercise in “Why Older Adults Matter.” 6. An Excellent Resource for Pastoral Care Providers
1. They told me to give it three days. "Your eyes and your brain are getting reacquainted again," he said. "Your eyesight will fluctuate for the next few days." But less than a day after my minor eye procedure, I was tired of fluctuating. At times, my vision was so crisp that it was almost too much for me--like I am somehow seeing more than I should. But this clarity came and went; I was sometimes far-sighted, sometimes near-sighted, sometimes neither very well. Perfect sight was apparently not as immediate as anticipated.
My experience of Christ is not so far from this. I was given the charge of retelling my story this week, my journey to faith and sight recently to a 30 some year old person who was interested in making a mark for Christ on their spiritual journey. The reflective task of peering into my life, looking at patterns and history with the hope of illumination seemed ironic as I squinted to see my computer screen. But it served as a helpful metaphor. My vision of Christ has been far from immediate. It has been much closer to a fluctuating timeline of beholding and squinting. My experience has been something like the blind man's from Bethsaida. "Do you see anything?" Jesus asked after placing his hands on his eyes. The man looked up and said, "I see people; they look like trees walking around" (Mark 8:23-24). Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. "Then his eyes were opened; his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly" (8:25).
For those of us who are used to relating to Jesus as the God of immediacy, two-staged miracles are cumbersome. I don't want fluctuating vision. I am leery of winding roads and long journeys. I want to live knowing that he is the one who makes all things new--now. And he is. But Christ is also making me ready to handle it. God is working that we might be able to stand in the very midst of the one who makes all things new.
Seeing apparently takes time. Though undoubtedly, we are slow learners, all too often satisfied with walking trees. "Do you have eyes but fail to see?" It is a question Jesus placed before everyone he encountered. The blind man knew enough not to settle with people looking like evergreens. What he saw with his eyes was not all that eyes could see. Though partial sight was itself a miracle, the one who touched him had in mind something more.
How interesting that Jesus’ two-staged miracle takes place following an exchange with the Pharisees, who were looking for a miraculous sign that Jesus wasn't giving, and an exchange with the disciples, who were in the presence of light itself and yet somehow kept failing to see. Mark seems to be telling us that seeing takes time, that learning to see is a process, but also, that Christ is ever-patient with those who do not see. In our best attempts to consider God, wrote Augustine, we are essentially asking the everlasting Light to "lighten our darkness." Perhaps the miracle of sight is less like a light switch, and more like a series of lights God strings together until we can see.
Vision, not unlike redemption, is at times a process by which Christ must dazzle gradually. Other times we may find ourselves moved nearly to blindness as we encounter more than we have eyes yet to see. Yesterday, I was reminded of this when I asked a lady if she loved her husband more deeply, having gone through numerous sessions of counseling, than she had in the past. Her answer was, “I’m only sure that my love for God has developed into something that has touched my soul.” You see, God is at work in the process, even when we are seeing walking tress. "Do you see anything?" Jesus asks as often we need him, while holding near the well-lit miracle that one day we shall see face to face.
2. George Barna writes: Hey, fellow Baby Boomers. Can we Talk? For many years, we have sweated, argued, fought, manipulated, analyzed, partnered, prayed and strategized to get our own way. We wanted the nation’s values to reflect our own. We wanted to have our fair share (or more) of the decision-making authority. We wiggled our way into key positions as soon as possible. After a period in which we said the system was the problem, we took over the system. Today, we are the system, and there are two generations following us who see that as a serious issue.
Unfortunately, we are not good at sharing. We are the richest generation the world has ever encountered, we are also its most selfish. And we are driven by the one value that defines us and on which we are willing to squander our money: power. We believe so deeply in our decision-making capacity, and we enjoy the control and perks of calling the shots so much, that we have no intention of relinquishing the power, regardless of traditions, expectations, reason or future interests…
Here’s the bottom line: our generation’s time on the throne is quickly coming to an end. In 2011 the first Boomer will reach age 65. By 2015, 15 million of us will be 65-plus; by 2020, 31 million; by 2025, the U.S. will harbor a mid-sized nation within its borders of 65-plus Boomers (an estimated 48 million?.
If all went according to plan, we’d be hard at work implementing the world’s most sophisticated and superbly executed transition plan to install the new strata of leaders. We are brilliant strategists and tacticians-just ask us. No generation has ever risen to the heights of excellence that we have, when we put our minds to it. The Builders were a can-do, get-it-done generation. But the Boomers are the ultimate take-no-prisoners generations when it comes to shaping society-and, in some cases, the world.
But where is the transition plan?...When are we planning to hand over the keys to the kingdoms we have built these last several decades? Who are the successors we are preparing to stand on our shoulders and build on the foundations we have laid-as our fathers did with us?
You'd think that since we are the richest generation in the world history, and we have acquired more toys, amenities, comforts, security mechanisms and pleasure options than we can even quantify , we’d be excited about helping our children to follow in our footsteps.
It makes sense. But it’s not happening.
The sticking point is our core value: power. We love power.
We live for power. Power lunches, power ties, power suits, power offices, power titles, power cares, power networks. Whether it is because of an unhealthy desire for control, a reasonable concern about maintaining quality, a sense of exhilaration received from making pressure-packed, life-changing decisions or due to other motivations, Boomers revel in power. The sad result is that most Boomers-even those in the pastorate or in voluntary, lay-leadership positions in churches- have no intention of lovingly handing the baton to Baby Busters. George Barna, “Gracefully Passing the baton,” April 26,2004, from: http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=Perspective& PerspectiveID=1
As I listen carefully and learn more from the experts, as well as, at the grass root level, transitioning leadership is not the only a big issue. The other is that of not continuing to listen, learn, embrace, and utilize the Longlife persons (Builders) in leadership roles.
The facts are that ; the Midlife persons, single and married, that are looking around and deciding that the church is no longer interested in them. Why? Just like the Longlifer, they see everything changing beyond their control. How sad it is that sometimes the only one to note their disappearance is the church treasurer.
3. What a blessing and satisfying sense comes to me when I am able to help Midlife or Longlife persons, as they are in the process of making life changing decisions or suggesting proactive steps in living everyday life to the fullest. Following are a few:
The first has to do with recommending a nursing home when asked. Poorly performing nursing homes are listed at www.medicare.gov (click on “Compare Nursing Homes in Your Area”). The Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services lists 50 facilities that continually fail to meet safety and quality-of-care standards. Check this list before recommending a placement of a parishioner, friend, or family member. If one is already residing in one of these homes, consider recommending moving him/her.
The second has to do with one of the newest scams against elders. That of “card switching.” Here is how the scam works. I pay for a restaurant meal with my credit card. When the waiter returns, I sign the receipt and slop the card back into my wallet, same as always. No problem. I know exactly where it is at all times. But the next time I use the credit card, it is declined. When I examine the card, I realize that it is not my credit card, but rather a similar looking card with someone else’s name on it.
Unscrupulous restaurant and retail employees occasionally carry a few old credit cards, perhaps ones stolen from previous customers that have been canceled by their owners. When a customer pays with a card that is similar in appearance, the scammer pockets the new card and substitutes the old one. If the victim fails to notice, the thief goes on a shopping spree.
Always double-check that the credit card returned to you really is your card.
The third is that millions of Americans take prescription drugs…and most of them fail to read the patient information sheets that accompany those prescriptions.
My mother lives in a very lovely assisted living facility where medications are dispensed by a registered nurse, upon specific orders from her doctor. Yet, my sister, who is mother’s medical advocate, remains scrupulously as to the details of medications. Why? Because mistakes can and will be made if not watched closely.
As director of the International Drug Information Center at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New Your, Jack M Rosenberg, PharmD, PhD, urges us to read the leaflets whenever we fill new prescriptions and even when we refill old ones. Dr. Rosenberg says, “patients often pick up different nuggets of information every time they read the densely packed inserts. Also, the inserts may change as more is learned about a particular drug-especially concerning safety issues.”
Pay special attention to the following sections of the insert…
Indications and uses – making sure to confirm that the drug seems appropriate for your condition and check the pill description on the label.
Special Instructions – There may be specific instructions on how and when to take a drug.
Side effects – being aware of common and/or potentially serious side effects-but don’t be put off my the lengthy list.
Drug interactions – comparing the list of drugs that you use with the list in the leaflet.
Consider urging your congregants, friends, and loved ones to always ask for the pharmacists free counseling concerning an over the counter or any perspiration. This counseling is required by law. Pharmacists can inform you about any special instructions, cautions, side effects, interactions, storage and more. The information that you get from a pharmacist may be more specific to your situation than printed instructions, especially if you ask questions that communicate your concerns. Since my sister picks up some prescriptions and over the counter medications, she is officially mother’s agent and also can receive counseling. Counseling by telephone is also allowed.
It is also worthy to note here that when I call my mother and she tells me that the doctor has prescribe a new medication, I use the resources include the FDA drug safety Web site has to offer. www.fda.gov/medwatch/safety.htm, and the manufacturers’ Web sites for individual drugs.
It has been my experience that listening to one’s body is just as important. So I practice and recommend, after talking with my physician and pharmacist, I pay particular attention to the effects that a drug is having on me.
4.The American Heart Association website has a section devoted to caregivers which contains many suggestions on how to cope with and survive the added responsibilities of care giving. While we may think of ourselves as caregivers only for the period when a loved one returns from the hospital and is recovering from surgery, care giving can be a lifelong activity for each of us as we respond to the needs of our love ones. Cynthia M. Castro, PhD., the Stanford University School of Medicine said “The negative impact of care giving is likely due, at least in part, to the reduced probability that a caregivers engage in preventive health behaviors such as regular physical activity.”
The AHA website states “Research over the last decade is clear: Caregivers who devote themselves to their loved ones to the exclusion of their own needs become ill. Physical activity is proven to improve both mental and physical health. It tackles anxiety, depression and anger. It enhances your immune system and decreases the risk of developing diseases such as cancer and heart disease. It helps maintain a healthy weight. Being active can lower your blood pressure by as much as 4 to 9mm Hg. That’s the same reduction in blood pressure delivered by some antihypertensive medications. It’s also a good idea to spend some time outdoors. Sunlight on your skin helps your body produce Vitamin D, which brings many added health benefits.”
5. Advancing research with maturing adults is accenting our need to feel that we matter to others. What is this construct of “mattering?” What productive role does mattering play in the lives of maturing adults?
Mattering to others is recognized as the fundamental need that all individuals require so they can feel significant to other people, and relevant to themselves. Individuals perceive their personal relevance in relation to others such as people in general, family members, friends, and society at large.
Mattering is evidently felt in two ways: 1) Organizational mattering is our felt sense of mattering to groups, while 2) Interpersonal mattering is our felt sense of mattering to specific others.
Interpersonal mattering has five aspects:
§ Perception that significant individuals see us as important.
§ That these individuals pay attention to us.
§ That they show interest in us.
§ That they depend on us for something.
§ That they are concerned with our future.
Past research has shown that possessing this felt sense of mattering brings many ‘positives’ to maturing adults …
§ Higher self-esteem
§ Greater social support
§ Lower depression
§ Lower stress
§ Increased psychological well and well-being
Newer research has looked at how mattering to others affects: 1) sense of purpose, 2) overall well-being, and 3) depression.
Sense of Purpose: Up to this point researchers have thought that having a greater sense of personal purpose is the most accurate predictor of increased wellness and overall well-being. We already know from past research that having a sense of purpose in life gives us …
As you can see, these factors are pretty similar to the benefits of mattering. But the question emerges, which has a stronger impact on overall happiness of maturing adults, a) mattering, or b) a sense of purpose?
Depression: A morbid fact is that the rate of suicide among those 85+ is twice the national average. Women’s stated primary concerns are loneliness and financial hardship. Men’s stated primary concerns are loss of spouse and loss of health.
Mattering to others gives maturing adults abundant gifts; these include: a) greater sense of purpose, b) increased wellness and overall well-being, and c) decreased depression.
Mattering to others may be one of the most essential phenomenological constructs those who work with elders can study and practice in helping them live fully, so they can thrive and not merely survive.
Practical Suggestions: Help those maturing adults with whom you work by focusing on …
§ Meaningful relationships that matter.
§ Purpose in life and spirituality.
§ Simple daily activities that maturing adults enjoy.
§ Hope and plans for the future.
§ Areas of wellness in body, mind, and spirit.
§ Life review and spiritual autobiography.
Certainly these six are target issues for anyone assisting Mid and Long Life Adults; the question is how do we help best?
Here’s a simple yet effective list of “powerful questions” that can raise the level of conversation and thinking about the six suggestions above:
ü Who are the most important people in your life?
ü What person or persons are you most important to?
ü What would you say is your life purpose right now?
ü What is your primary vocation or ministry right now?
ü What do you think is your current call from God?
ü What are some of your most enjoyable activities now?
ü What makes you like these activities?
ü What are your plans for the future? Your hopes? Your dreams?
ü Where are you most healthy?
ü Where are you strong?
ü Where do you need some assistance?
ü How often do you think about the past? How positive are these experiences?
ü Have you ever thought of writing or recording your life history?
5. Nearly every pastoral care provider will, at one time or another, provide pastoral care among returning veterans. Therefore, you might find the journal of interest and benefit. I encourage you to subscribe to the journal by visiting the subscription page, hosted on the Lutheran Services in America website: http://www.lutheranservices.org/LSARegistration/registrationentry.aspx?ID=E191 This periodic e-newsletter is sent free of charge to pastors, leaders and interested individuals. If you have colleagues or friends that would like to receive this newsletter, please have them e-mail Shepardscare@aol.com and we will add them to our list. If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter, please e-mail Shepardscare@aol.com and put the word "unsubscribe" in the subject line.
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